You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
