What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
is that a dick in a sweater?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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