I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
