I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
