He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
