if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
