I want to walk on stilts...naked
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
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