I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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