I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
