Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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