all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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