god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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