made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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