Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
