She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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