I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
