this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ttyl tear gas
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
