Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
