The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so explain again why im purple
no
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
