did you get engaged???
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
