Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Holy shit dude........stairs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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