dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
