My first STD was from a foam party
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
