I am puke
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize