smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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