its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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