I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize