as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
