something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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