i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
