I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Say something about gay babies.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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