you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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