you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Pooping to opera.
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