I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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