standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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