Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
