your parents love me but you hate me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
