Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
