I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
