just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
