I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
