a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
