nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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