mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
