she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
