According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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