found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
