Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my being single is dangerous.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
