i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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