Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
