I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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