its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
