i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
there is puke in my bra ... again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
