So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
