Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
