So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
