There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
