hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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