That's when you crack a 10am beer
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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