yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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