if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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