i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
