The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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