Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I want to be your penis for a week.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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