Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
