There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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