Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
