The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
