Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
that's an acceptable place to lick
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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