If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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