if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
