i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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