She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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