the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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