i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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