she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize