I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
