Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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