Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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