Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
