youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
