Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
