My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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