Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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