I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
