He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
